Chairman Bao Says, "只有現金" (Cash Only!)

What Is This?
Chairman Bao food truck, my lunch destination

Hate It Or Love It?
Don't you hate it when you're planning on paying with a credit card and realize the place is cash only?

It's lunch time so some coworkers and I decide to try out a food truck called Chairman Bao. I check my wallet and I'm out of cash, but whatever, I'm starving and decide to use the plastic. We get to the truck and right off the bat I can tell this place is going to be pretty good just by the length of the line (this post could also be about waiting in really long lines for food when you're hungry). After about twenty minutes I reach the front of the line and I'm more than ready to order my pork belly steamed bun with pickled daikon.

That's when I see it. A little note that has two words that can kill a hungry man with a credit card. "CASH ONLY!!!"

It feels like someone stabbed me through the heart. Or the stomach. At this point I can't really tell anymore because I'm so hungry. I kind of linger at the front of the line for another split second, hoping some supernatural being (or really nice person) will drop a $20 into my pocket. But it doesn't happen, so I get out of line and begin my scramble around San Francisco to find the nearest ATM. I find a Bank of America about a block away and I'm about to withdraw some cash when it shows me a notification that I will be charged a $3 withdrawal fee. I guess that's what I get for being a member of Star One Credit Union. So my search continues. Another block, another ATM, another $3 fee (this post could also be about ridiculous ATM fees). Finally, I find an ATM that has a $2.50 fee and that works for me because, according to Russell Peters, "Fifty cent a lot of money". I head back to Chairman Bao and 30 minutes and $10 later I get my food.

And boy, was all that trouble worth it. The steamed buns were awesome. Chairman Bao is one of the best food trucks I've eaten at so if you're ever in SF, look it up. Who would've guessed that 3 hate-it's would have such a happy ending?

Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity

What Is This?
This is me trying to pass the time and stay awake at work.

Hate It Or Love It?
Don't you hate it when time slows to a crawl when you're really bored?

About a century ago, some guy named Einstein came up with a ground-shaking idea. He said that time is not absolute, but relative. I guess I can go with that. I mean, who am I to disagree? Bear with me: Einstein explained that time is relative to the warping of space-time around mass and energy. Time moves slower around large bodies of mass, like Earth, than in space.

That's where Einstein's wrong. The answer is much simpler. Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity states that time is relative to your boredom level. The more bored you are, the slower time moves.

I guess some of you science and math people may demand a proof. Well, I have plenty of proof from my experiences sitting in a lecture hall or in my cubicle while bored out of my mind. I'll look at the clock. It's 2:34. I decide I won't look at the clock for as long as I can because I know (as another law of physics) that the clock doesn't move if you stare at it. After listening to my friend point out that our professor looks eerily like the Sith Lord, staring hard at my professor and realizing it's true, trying to follow the Sith Lord's lecture on transistors and then dozing off for a while, I decide I to look back at the clock. At least 2:50, right? No. 2:39. Only five minutes!? There's your proof. It's got to be Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity.