Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity

What Is This?
This is me trying to pass the time and stay awake at work.

Hate It Or Love It?
Don't you hate it when time slows to a crawl when you're really bored?

About a century ago, some guy named Einstein came up with a ground-shaking idea. He said that time is not absolute, but relative. I guess I can go with that. I mean, who am I to disagree? Bear with me: Einstein explained that time is relative to the warping of space-time around mass and energy. Time moves slower around large bodies of mass, like Earth, than in space.

That's where Einstein's wrong. The answer is much simpler. Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity states that time is relative to your boredom level. The more bored you are, the slower time moves.

I guess some of you science and math people may demand a proof. Well, I have plenty of proof from my experiences sitting in a lecture hall or in my cubicle while bored out of my mind. I'll look at the clock. It's 2:34. I decide I won't look at the clock for as long as I can because I know (as another law of physics) that the clock doesn't move if you stare at it. After listening to my friend point out that our professor looks eerily like the Sith Lord, staring hard at my professor and realizing it's true, trying to follow the Sith Lord's lecture on transistors and then dozing off for a while, I decide I to look back at the clock. At least 2:50, right? No. 2:39. Only five minutes!? There's your proof. It's got to be Yasukawa's Theory of Relativity.